episode 75: take a break or your body will take one for you

Listen to the full episode here. Transcript below.

It’s December and we’re getting thick into the swing of the holiday season here in the US.  I felt like today’s topic is a timely one, as a lot of us at this time of the year tend to get overextended.  Consider today’s episode to be a lifeline, but also good advice for any other time of year!

When I was in college and later in graduate school, through my late teens and 20s, I would ALWAYS get sick right at the holidays.  I was a working student through the 11 straight years I attended university, all the way through my PhD.  Beginning my junior year of my undergraduate education, I always worked even more than one job.  By the time I was working on my doctorate, I actually held down FOUR jobs - two on campus, and two off campus, plus freelance gigs -in order to keep the bills paid and the lights on and food in the fridge.  During those years, things always ramped up right around Christmas - we’d have final exams or big projects due right before the holidays, and I’d be balancing that with a crazy work schedule at the same time.  And while things would be really busy, I would deprive myself of sleep in order to get everything done, not take any days off, and basically just go for broke.  I’d be fine during that time, but then the second I would have a day off - usually Christmas Day or Thanksgiving Day (generally the only days I’d ever have off), I would ALWAYS come down with something.  Usually a cold, flu or sinus infection.

And that would flummox me.  Like, how could I keep up with that schedule - not ever getting sick?  But then the second I could relax I’d crash?  What was up with that?

Here’s the thing - it’s pretty well documented that our immune systems are impacted by our general stress levels.  In my case, the second I had a break, my body would let go and everything would catch up with me.  You’d think that 25 years later I would have learned something from this experience, and sure, I guess I’m more aware of it now, but even today I still fall prey to this cycle.  And honestly, I think it’s something that many of us do.  We think to ourselves, I’ve just gotta get through X Y or Z and then I’ll take a break.  I have obligations this holiday season I can’t get out of, even though I’m feeling depleted or tired or on the edge.  Nope, can’t take a day off, there’s stuff that has to get done.  And so on.  Honestly, as I’m saying this to you all, I can totally picture myself saying this to coworkers and concerned friends - both in my past and in my present.

But what happens?  If we don’t preemptively take care of ourselves, a collapse is going to be inevitatable.  In short, if you don’t take a break - or regular breaks - your body is going to do it for you. And often, that will be in ways you can’t ignore and in ways that are definitely NOT ideal for your schedule.

Here’s an analogy for you.  Think of your body and immune system as a bank.  Every time you engage in a healthful practice - say eating a good meal, or doing a morning meditation, or exercising in an optimal way - you’re making a deposit into your account.  Then every time you “go for broke” because you PERCEIVE that you don’t have another choice, you start taking withdrawals.  Oh, I have a deadline - I’ll stay up late to get this done.  Oh, my family expects me to be at this gathering even though I’m completely dead tired - I’ll go anyways, I can’t let them down.  Oh, I’m busy, I don’t have time to get to the grocery store, so I’ll just hit the fast food joint on the way home.  All of those are withdrawals.

Now, I get it - we have to stretch ourselves and make ourselves uncomfortable to make progress in our lives.  I talk about that all the time on this podcast.  One withdrawal here and there doesn’t really matter, so long as we’re still making deposits into our account - it all balances out in that case.  But if we make withdrawal after withdrawal, never making deposits?  Well, we overdraw that account.  And penalties will have to be paid.  Typically, that comes in the guise of illness or burnout or insomnia or other physiological or psychological symptoms.  Our body will force us to take time off to replenish the account.  If you’ve ever withdrawn your own checking account, you’ll know it’s hard to get back into the black - feels like digging out of a hole, and it’s harder than easy incremental deposits before the crash, right?  It’s the same way with our bodies if we don’t ever learn how to take care of ourselves in the first place.

So this holiday season, I challenge you to keep your own personal account in the black.  Don’t overdraw yourself to the point of crashing.  Try these strategies out for the next several weeks, and then continue them into the new year so you can learn to take care of yourself first and foremost!

One - make self care a daily non-negotiable habit.  I do have an episode dedicated to self care that you can check out (I’ll link it in the episode description), and I honestly feel like self care is one of these things that people have huge misconceptions of.  We think we’ve gotta spend a lot of money, or go on a retreat to a mountaintop to figure stuff out.  That’s not true.  Real self care is a daily practice, and it doesn’t necessarily have to take a ton of time.  For me, one way I practice self care is by having a consistent bedtime that works for my body.  I just can’t stay up late - every time I try to be a night person, I get sick.  I’ve learned this through my years as a musician, both touring and playing a ton of gigs.  Now that I’ve retired from music, I rarely stay up late - and I rarely get sick.  As a tattooer, it means that I miss out on certain types of clients - those types that want to come in during the evening hours, and that’s lost income, but hey - nights simply don’t work for me.   Today, this also means that I do turn down invitations for a lot of events - I really do have to pace myself with night events and gatherings, and I try to practice an 8 pm time as a non-negotiable for getting home and chilling out.  Phone off, in another room, quiet time in the house, all of that.   I think of keeping my evenings to early hours as self care, and that doesn’t cost me anything.  For you, it could be something like 10 minutes a day for a walk in the morning, or a few minutes of quiet time away from the family each day.  Think about what makes you feel best, versus what makes you feel depleted.  What daily practices can you incorporate to keep yourself feeling balanced?  THAT is self care.

Two - learn to listen to your body.  Your body is going to give you major cues that something’s off or that you’re on the edge, but you have to recognize the signs before they get so huge you can’t ignore them.  You can do this through mindfulness practices - one thing I recommend is a simple body scan meditation.  I use Headspace as an app for this; simply google body scan meditation and you’ll find some exercises you can try.  Listening requires being silent, and being silent requires time, so it’s up to you to make this time a non-negotiable.  In fact, this could be part of your daily self-care practice - a simple 5-10 minutes out to meditate or journal or simply sit in quiet contemplation so you can discern how you’re actually FEELING at any given moment.  And if your body starts to say - hey I’m tired - then you’ll know to dial back, or to say no to that Christmas party invitation because you’re just too depleted right now.

Three - we all get out of balance from time to time (hey, I am right now for sure), and when that happens a crash is inevitable.  But when that happens, you just have to take time off.  I know, I know - you think you can’t, but if someone like me who’s self employed with no paid time off can carve this out, you can too.  Don’t fight the crash.  Embrace it.  Ask yourself - and get honest with yourself here - what got me into this situation?  How am I out of balance right now?  I know, for me, I can get overwhelmed with some volunteer organizations I’m involved with, and when I have a crash, I just have to dial it back a bit and take more time for myself.  For you that’s going to look different, but ask yourself the same questions.  Reassess, and create space for yourself to recover rather than fight the crash, try to push through it, and consequently end up making things worse for yourself by overdrawing your personal account even more!

In conclusion, this time of year can get super busy for us all.  But don’t let the fear of letting people down, or the idea of obligation - keep you from taking care of yourself.  Because if you don’t, your body is going to send you a message you can’t ignore.