episode 76: stop waiting for a green light

Listen to this episode here. Transcript below.

Since we’re reaching the last couple weeks of the year, here’s a question for you.  Have you ever caught yourself saying - at this time of year, “I’m just going to get through the holidays, and then I’ll start…x, y, or z”.  It might be, oh, I’ll get through Christmas and New Years, and then I’ll start that new workout program, join the gym, or start eating healthier.  Or it might be, I’ll be through these holidays and then I’ll deal with finding a new job.  I just don’t have the energy for that right now.

Sound familiar?  I’ve done it too.

While this is a common thing to say, and while this is a busy time of year, this episode is your wake up call.  Guess what.  There’s always going to be something else to just “get through” before you can start living your life.  There’s always something else in the way that has the potential to dissuade you or to distract you from putting forth the energy needed to start something.  Why is that?  Well, because making a change or trying something new is a challenge.  And that’s scary at times, at other times we want to avoid stressing ourselves through the effort.  It’s hard.  We want a guarantee things will work out.  We want a grand sign from the universe that we’re making the right choice, and maybe that it won’t be THAT hard to achieve what we’re setting our sights on.  We want someone or something to give us permission to move forward.

So I decided to record this episode today to you to stop waiting for your life to begin.  Boom.

I don’t mean for this story to sound stereotypical, but I get to meet a lot of clients through my business as a tattoo artist that inspire me, including a lot of these episodes.  So many stories…I hear so many stories.  Just a couple of weeks ago, I had a family of 13 women come in to get memorial tattoos for a young gal who died of cancer at age 18.  This young lady had no health problems, no history of cancer in the family, nothing.  And all of a sudden, out of the blue, she got sick with this rare form of cancer and was GONE within just a few short weeks.  I think they said maybe 6 weeks from diagnosis until death.  Yeah, true story - let that sink in.

All of the things we worry about, all of the things we obsess over, all of the excuses we give ourselves - they all pale in comparison to the simple fact of our mortality.  Our days are limited and we literally never know when they might be up, plain and simple.  I’m not saying you’re going to die tomorrow, but I think it’s actually a good way to live - to live like you know your days are numbered.  If you realize that, and you fully grasp your mortality, then you’re not going to want to sit around, stewing as to whether or not you should start doing things that are good for you - you’ll just do them.  You’ll stop wasting time.  It won’t matter if someone else thinks you’re making the right choice - it’ll only matter if you do what you really want.

Prior to my work as a tattoo artist, I was a college professor - I’ve talked about my past in academia many times on this podcast.  Now, what I may not have talked about is how I grew up surrounded by academia.  Both of my parents worked in public education - my dad was a school superintendent and my mom was a teacher, but then later an administrator.  And until I quit teaching myself in 2019, my life literally was run by the school year calendar.  THAT literally made me crazy, and it’s a big part of the reason why I transitioned - over a very long number of years - into full time tattooing.

Some people love predictability and routine.  I’m not one of those people.  To some people, the academic calendar might seem awesome - you work really hard for a set number of months a year, and then you get a big break over the summer months.  For me, I hated that.  I hated the fact that I couldn’t spend large amounts of time flexibly - like, I could never take a long weekend in February, or go on a trip to see fall colors in October.  As a college professor, when I worked full time, the calendar was overwhelming.  I couldn’t think about anything else except my students and teaching and my administrative duties during the school year, let alone take any time for myself.  If I was going to ever have a break, someone else was deciding for me when it was.  And that just made me nuts.  I felt stifled.  Part of it for me is I feel like I’m dying a slow death if I can’t spend adequate times outdoors in nature - that also is something that is hard for me about tattooing and owning a business; it’s an indoor activity.  But at least with what I do now I have the flexibility to take random days off or to choose to not work until later in the day so I can have mornings outside.

Was it hard to make a big leap and transition into full time self employment after having a regular paycheck from teaching?  Oh, you bet.  Was it worth it?  Absolutely, and I have never once regretted the decisions of relinquishing tenure and quitting college teaching.  I was definitely influenced by my mother’s death several years ago - I’ll admit.  She basically worked up until her illness progressed to the point that she had to retire.  And then what?  She was so sick that she never ended up having the time to pursue the things that she truly wanted to do.  And I didn’t want that for myself.

Now what about you.  Is there something you’ve been wanting to do for yourself?  Something you feel called to do?  Something you feel pulled toward?  Is it making a big change for your health, so you’ll be around more for your own kids?  Is it making a change in your career so you can live out your priorities, such as I did?

Stop waiting.  Let’s talk about ways we can break the inertia, and ways in which we can stop looking for a magical green light to give us the OK for the remainder of this episode.

One - start working on your goal now.  It’s as simple as that.  Stop giving yourself some arbitrary date or line in the sand, saying to yourself, ok, I’ll wait, get my ducks in a row and then I’ll give this a shot.  Nope.  Do something, anything…right now.  Here’s the thing - it doesn’t have to be a BIG action.  I’ve talked about this a million times on this podcast.  There’s a huge fallacy in waiting for these big AHA moments, or some dramatic sign from the heavens, to make some gigantic change overnight.  Life doesn’t work that way.  It’s all about small incremental steps, not huge overhauls.  So, if your goal is say to shift careers and move someplace that might be more in line with your interests or values, do a little bit of research…today.  Just a little bit.  If your goal is to get in shape for the new year, don’t wait until January 1.  Eat one less cookie at the Christmas party.  Or go for a 10 minute walk today.  You see what I mean?  A tiny step is way less scary than a giant change, but those tiny steps are exactly what lead to giant changes in time.

Two - work on your expectations for the change you want to make.  Know that the shift will literally never happen overnight.  You have to reframe things in this way, otherwise the changes you make will never be sustainable.  Also know that many of us have idealized versions of what we think life will look like on the other side of a big shift.  That too is a fallacy.  We carry our same issues and problems to the other side.  You’ve got unresolved trauma before getting into the new relationship?  Guess what, it’s still going to be there after you meet your soulmate.  You’ve got food issues?  Lose 100 pounds, those issues will still be there.  In terms of your expectations, don’t look for an achievement to fix your inner self.  Instead, think back to step one - taking small steps.  And make one small step every day to resolve some of those deep inner issues, all while telling yourself that changes will happen, in time.

Three - start enjoying your life now, and stop waiting for your life to start AFTER you’ve achieved your goals.  If you don’t enjoy the journey, then you won’t stay on it.  Just saying.  There’s a certain type of magical thinking out there - oh, once I get this thing or achieve this goal, I’ll magically be happy.  But just as in adjusting our expectations as in step two, achievements don’t fix anything.  In fact, achievements can bring on a whole new set of complications that forces us even more to step back and self assess.  I’m personally an advocate of staying in the here and now.  By idealizing and future tripping, frankly we’re missing out on the potential of the moment that’s right in front of us, right now - and this NOW is something you’ll never get back.

In conclusion, stop waiting until the proverbial new year.  If it’s in your mind that a change needs to happen, this is your sign.  Stop waiting for a green light, and start now.