episode 71: things happen in their own time

Listen to this episode here.

So, something happened yesterday that inspired me to release THIS episode today, and that was - I finally wrapped up a huge huge life goal that I’ve been working toward for the past 5.5 years.  I started flight school in the early spring of 2017, with the whole goal in mind of becoming a certified flight instructor, and yesterday, I finally passed my exam and I have my new certificate in hand, ready to start teaching flight lessons professionally.  Hardest thing I’ve ever done, I will readily admit that - the flying thing did not come naturally and I’ve worked my tail off to get this done.

Anyhow, this isn’t a podcast about aviation - it’s about learning to channel your inner grit into personal growth, about developing a sense of resilience, right?  So I wanted to share the biggest lesson I learned on this journey and that’s this: you can’t force it.  Things happen in their own time.

With my goal, I wanted to get done quickly, mainly because learning to fly…and then learning to teach other people to fly…is incredibly expensive, as I’m sure you can imagine.  The constant flight training bills were like a mortgage every month, and I’ve been fortunate to receive three scholarships along the way.  But even so, as time dragged on and I still wasn’t THERE, I saw the bills mounting.  And the debt mounting.  And that constantly stressed me out, so I’d put extra pressure on myself to meet arbitrary deadlines with the mentality of “this thing has to happen by such date” and so on.  I’d compare myself to other people - often much much younger than myself, seeing them accomplish milestones I wanted for myself, and then would get down on myself because I wasn’t there yet.  These two things created so much inner turmoil and stress and doubt…and sometimes even manifested in sickness, physically speaking, due to the constant pressure I was putting on myself to perform.

I don’t think I’m alone in this.  Have you ever had a goal in mind - be it career, financial, relationship - and when you don’t meet it by X date, or within in the timeframe someone else set, you get down on yourself?  If so, the rest of this (short) episode is for you.

I learned three huge things through this process that helped me simply accept the fact that things take as long as they take.

One is that you have to follow your own internal compass when you’re making a life change or pursuing a big goal.  Hate to say it, but we’re all special snowflakes.  No two people are going to have the same trajectory, the same emotional landscape, the same family background, the same advantages or disadvantages and so on.  Some things will work out better for other people than they will for you.  That’s because you’re an individual.  I have a good friend who’s just gotten into a serious relationship and it’s moving super fast, and she’s worried what other people will think.  You know what I told her?  It doesn’t matter.  She’s an adult, she knows what’s right for her, and it’s no one’s damn business what her relationship status is.  Only she (and her guy) know what’s up with them, no one else.  It’s that way for any pursuit - everyone’s going to have their own two cents about what you should or shouldn’t be doing.  Fair.  Give it a listen, but take all advice with a grain of salt.  Unless someone’s really walked in your shoes, they have no idea what you’re dealing with.  Above all else, trust your gut and your own feelings about your pace.  That’s unique to you and you alone, and let me tell you, your own pace is perfect just for YOU.

Two - resign yourself to the fact that you can’t completely control your environment.  There’s no better lesson for this than aviation to be frank.  When it came to scheduling my final test for the flight instructor certificate, it was like doing Tetris with my work calendar - I’m always super booked up and booked out months in advance, so it’s hard to change stuff or accommodate moving my clients around and such.  When I finally got a date for the test, the first part took so long that it was impossible to do the actual flight portion of the exam…because of weather.  The fog was rolling in (just FYI, I live in coastal southern California and the marine layer always is a factor in flying here).  So I had to schedule out the flight.  And, once the day came…boom, a massive weather system rolled in.  I was so frustrated.  I had to postpone yet again.  But, it worked out and I finally got it done yesterday.  Had I had a specific deadline for this test, well, it would’ve been a huge issue.  But because I was able to be flexible, I got it done.  It’s not to say I wasn’t frustrated, because, oh…I was.  But in the end, a slight delay due to factors beyond my control - no big.  Lesson learned: you can do everything in terms of prep, but you’ve simply gotta roll with it if something happens in your environment that’s beyond your control, and accept that it’s not your fault, and don’t let yourself get wrapped up in the frustration.

Three - learn to transform your adversities into your strengths.  I’ve talked about it before on this podcast, I had a really rough time growing up because I was born into a highly dysfunctional and abusive family environment.  I even joke today, hey, I have every excuse to be a terrible person…but I’ve chosen to work on myself and NOT be that.  Anyhow, because of that, it’s resulted in a lot of self doubt and perfectionism as an adult.  I get where it comes from, I understand it, but it’s still hard, and as a consequence a lot of times it just takes me LONGER to learn things because I have to overcome that self doubt and lack of confidence every single time.  Now, I could focus on how hard that is.  But rather, I choose to turn that into a strength.  Meaning, I have a really good sense of stick to it-tiveness (as my husband says).  I’m a long view person.  I’m patient.  I set a goal, and I measure progress in years, not hours.  Honestly, one of my early memories from being 8 years old is this: I was standing in line with my mom at a grocery store, feeling miserable, looking at the tabloids in line, and I thought to myself…only 10 more years and I can get out of here and do whatever I want.  I could focus on how awful that was as a kid to be thinking that way…but instead, I think, wow, I’m grateful that experience taught me patience and focus and biding my time and setting my sights on the long view.  Don’t fall into the trap of using your tragedies as an excuse.  Transform them into your strengths.

That’s it for this short episode.  I really felt compelled to share these words with you today.  If you think a goal is taking you too long, no, it’s not.  It’s just taking the time it needs to.