Season 2, episode 1: why connection is key

Listen to this episode here. Transcript below.

Tattooing can be an incredibly lucrative profession.  If you’re relatively decent at what you do, and you’re nice to your clientele and you give them a good experience, they’re likely to either come back or give you referrals to their friends.  Being busy isn’t about likes on Instagram.  I see other artists all the time with 10 times more followers than I have, begging for clients to get into the chair.  Meanwhile, I’m not terribly focused on social media - I mean, I use it, but I’m not obsessed by vanity metrics, likes and follows…and I get booked out months in advance with very little promotional efforts.  Why?  I make my clients comfortable.  I listen.  I give them a good experience.  My shop is welcoming, it’s inclusive, it’s not intimidating to walk in the door, I’m a believer in good customer service, taking care of anyone who walks in, plus I do reply to each and every single comment, email, text, voicemail,message or DM I receive personally.  Keeps me inordinately busy, but it’s worth it.

I’m not saying any of this to brag, but rather to relate a truly important point.  In life - connection is key.

I tell people all the time that I never got a single job worth having by applying randomly for it.  Nope.  Prior to tattooing, I worked in music and theatre, as well as academia, and every gig, every job, every contract - it all came down to knowing someone.  Someone who maybe knew someone else who was looking for a someone like me for a gig.  And then a phone call came, boom, I’m working.  Never ever had an issue making a living or lining up the next job.  In a world where social media rules, where a lot of us base our worth on the number of likes we get on a post, it becomes an omnipresent illusion that this online meta-network is reality.  And while I’m not so much of a luddite that I think we need to throw all of this away and start fresh while living tech free out in a desert yurt, I do think we need to get more perspective.  Connection - in person connection - is where it’s at.  In person connection is how we grow, we develop, we change, we network, we find meaning, we find love, we find support…all in a real life, face to face, physical context.

Now while I’ve always prioritized in person connections, the true ultimate importance of it really came to light during the lockdowns of 2020.  For me personally, living in California, we had some of the strictest policies here in the States, and I suffered through 8.5 months of my business being forced to close.  We shut down and reopened three times during that period.  And wow, during each reopening…the changes I saw in long time clientele were intense.  People I had known for being gregarious, outspoken, flamboyant, and super fun to be around often became casualties of anxiety and panic.  I heard more and more stories about folks getting on psych meds to get through - hey, no shame in that, I’m a believer in times of crisis.  But I did witness personally a number of clients I truly cared about go down the rabbit hole of despair, not to re-emerge.  In fact, within a two week period in the summer of 2020, I kid you not - four of my former clients passed away either from suicide or overdoses.  Talk about a sobering moment illustrating that impact of the loss of connection and support.

When it came to first time clients during that period, after we finally reopened for good at the end of January in 2021, I had a lovely woman come to me for a tattoo.  And when she sat down in my chair, she was visibly nervous, much more so than a first time client typically is.  After a bit of gentle conversation, trying to put her nerves at ease, she confided in me that she literally hadn’t left her house since March of 2020.  It was her FIRST TIME out of the house in something like 10 months.  No walks outside, no grocery shopping, no nothing - just her and her family inside the house, in front of the computer, working away.  That was probably one of the most extreme cases I saw of loss of connection, and its impact on her was absolutely palpable.

Now look, this is meant to be an inspiring podcast about resilience, not a depressing one.  I’m only telling you these stories to illustrate my point.  We can’t hide in our houses, behind our screens, on our phones.  If we want to move forward in life, to achieve a goal, to reinvent ourselves at any point, we have to make personal connections.  We have to put ourselves out there.  As an introvert who gets exhausted by social interaction and who prefers to go to bed by 8 pm every single night, I too am challenged by this, but the jobs I work - as a tattoo artist and part time as a flight instructor - force me to get outside and talk to people every day.  And my life is so much more rich now for it.

Here’s another illustrative example from the business I’m in.  I get approached constantly by folks looking for a tattoo apprenticeship.  There’s no school to learn how to tattoo, no textbooks, and certainly don’t rely on youTube videos for real info - it’s all about a master/apprentice relationship and an oral tradition based on honor and craft with tightly guarded secrets.  Last week, I literally had three messages within a single 24 hour period from young people asking for an apprenticeship with me.  One - super flattering.  But two - I didn’t know a single one of them, and not a single one had ever expressed interest in my work before or even set foot in my shop.

I have a soft heart, I’ll admit it - so I always try to reply to everyone politely, invite them to come by, and tell them that if they buy me a decent cup of coffee that they can pick my brain and ask advice on getting into the business.  Hardly anyone ever does, but when they do, I tell them my number one bit of advice is to go get tattooed and develop some kind of professional relationship with a tattoo artist.  We’re WAY more open to help you if we know you. We’re more open to help in some way if we care about you, if we have some kind of relationship, if you’re on our radar.  We’re WAY more open to apprenticing you if you support us, if you respect our time and knowledge, and frankly if you don’t expect a life changing experience for free.  Just saying.

So what does this all mean for you, lovely listeners?

Are you on a journey toward some kind of big goal?  A huge life change?  Education, new career?  The advice I give is the same, and it works pretty much every single time.  You’ve gotta put yourself out there and personally connect with folks who are doing what you want, and with folks who have what you want.  You need to learn in person.  Connect in person.  DMs are a great place to start, sure, I get it, virtual is great if you’re not in the same area, but go further with it and develop some kind of personal relationship and really get to know that person behind the screen.  Here are some tips to practice:

1 - Get outside every single day.  I know for me, the pandemic didn’t really change how I work at all.  You kind of have to be in person to tattoo someone, right?  But for my white collar professional friends, they’re all sitting at home in front of a computer screen replying to Slack messages all day.  Convenient yes, when it comes to balancing getting your laundry done with your professional obligations.  But what can happen?  Weeks can go by, you’re still ordering your food, you’re still in the same pair of sweatpants, and you haven’t seen the sun, much like my client back in 2021.  Every single damn day - close the computer.  PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY.  And go outside.  Anywhere.  See people.  Walk around.  Get a cup of coffee from your local coffee shop - hey, that’s one of my own daily habits, especially given on days off I’m drafting podcast episodes and recording reels and such.  Remind yourself that there are other people in the world, do this every single day.

2 - Phone a friend on a regular basis.  Or better yet, schedule yourself a friend date on a regular basis.  I know, I get it, we’re all busy.  But we’ve gotta nurture relationships besides the ones inside our homes or with our families, because that’s where connection is at.  It doesn’t have to be daily, maybe you just do this once a month with someone who care about.  Or maybe you schedule something with someone you find interesting and just want to get to know - schedule a walk or a coffee or a hike.  Something, anything.  Talk.  Face to face.  You never ever know where these in person connections are going to lead you.  A lot of times, it may seem like a person might not have anything to do with your own personal goals, but who knows - maybe someone in their network does.  And someone who cares about you is much more apt to help you out and support you than someone who’s never met you before.

3 - Do something every day that’s outside of your comfort zone.  Again, for those of you working online daily in your home offices, it’s easy to get complacent, am I right?  We’re all suckers for the comforts of routines.  But shake it up.  EVERY DAY.  This could involve anything from having a random conversation with someone at your local coffee shop to taking a class, or going to the gym to exercise.  Doesn’t have to be something dramatic like skydiving, you know?  Just something little every day to flex those muscle to avoid complacency and inertia.  I love Netflix as much as the next person, but it’s waaaaay to easy to get sucked into a binge on the couch and suddenly weeks have gone by without doing something challenging. And a secret here?  The more you challenge yourself, the easier it is to be uncomfortably challenged.