episode 88: when it’s time to unplug

Listen to this episode here. Transcript below.

Let me ask you all a question - what’s likely the one thing you carry with you at all times, including into the bedroom at night, sometimes into the bathroom (hey, don’t lie), and that you might panic if you can’t find it?  Let’s think about this.  Your smartphone, right?

Before I go too much further here, let me say the irony of me talking about this, while relying on folks to find me on their smartphones is pretty deep.  But it’s telling.

I’m a Gen Xer, born in 77, part of the last generation to grow up without computers and the internet.  I say to myself all the time, thank god social media wasn’t around when I was in school - the bullying was bad enough in person, that I can’t imagine what it would be like for bullied kids when you add the online element into the mix.  I’ll admit I’m a bit of a luddite on a personal level - I’m not much of a fan of being online, but at the same time, I know how much online presence has enriched my life.  If it weren’t for social media, my husband and I wouldn’t be married right now, for example - we actually met through an online forum back before Facebook even was popular.  So rest assured, this podcast episode isn’t a rant against technology.

However, I’m all for having good boundaries with tech, and that’s what this today is all about.  When something becomes omnipresent, folks start to have certain expectations of communication - you know what I mean?  If you’re connected all the time, well, then you might think you owe it to others to always reply or respond or be present.

The way social media works really feeds into this.  I’m a business owner, you’ll know this if you’re a regular listener of the podcast.  And unless you own a business that’s either SUPER established or has an established niche consumer or customer base already, you basically HAVE to be on social media to drum up new business or leads.  It’s just non-negotiable in the current marketplace.  Personally, at times I resent that, but what can you do?  If you’re a business owner, it gets damn hard to disconnect.  What happens when you do?  OK, well people have theories about various social media algorithms, and frankly NO ONE knows what’s up with those algorithms except for the folks that program them.  But, anecdotally, I CAN tell you this.  If you run social media for a business and you take even a few days completely off and don’t respond to anything, the next time you post something you’ll see a huge decrease in your metrics - doesn’t matter what the platform is.  Additionally, if you don’t “engage” - meaning scroll through stuff and comment, like, whatever - you’ll also see a lack of engagement on what you post at best, and at worst, literally the algorithm won’t even show what you post to your followers.  Not kidding…this is real.

So, in short, the system is all set up to keep you continually engaged…and sucked in to scrolling.  That’s just what it is.  I’m not making statements of whether this is good or bad, it just is what it is.  Anyhow, where the challenge comes - and I’m speaking as a business owner - is when you need to take a break, which we all do.  Because after that break, it takes a while to bounce back and start to see leads pour back in.

I’m no social media expert - I just use it.  But what I see and have experienced is this - the more we engage online on these platforms, the more we feel on some level like we might owe it to others to stay connected all the time.  Like, if we take time off, we owe an explanation.  I mean, don’t we all have that one friend who’s said - OK, I’m deleting this account, this is my last post, only to have a bazillion people beg them to come back and it turns into this whole thing, back and forth, and then they’re back like two days later.  We all know this person, hell, I’ve been that person.

The point here today is: I don’t think that cycle is healthy for any of us.  I really don’t.  Also, I think one of the greatest challenges today is to NOT let our phones - whether or not it’s social media on the phones, or constantly scrolling news or email or whatever you do - run our lives.  Today, I’m challenging you to put your phone down after you finish this podcast.  Or do it now, whatever works - I’m OK with that.

A few weeks ago, I had tickets to the opera, which yes, I know is somewhat unrelateable for y’all, but there’s a point here.  I love the opera, more than I can possibly tell you.  It’s just my thing, has been since I was a kid.  Anyhow, this opera had a short 60 second break between the first and second act, where the curtain came down and they did a set change.  The lights stayed out, and it was just meant as a quick little breather.  But, guess what - almost every single person around me grabbed their phone and turned it on to check something.  Not kidding.  In a dark opera house, it was pretty obvious to see the glow of everyone’s phone.  And to me, that was…what.  We can’t sit for more than 60 seconds without grabbing our phones?

It’s become a reflex, on top of an obligation, this connectivity.  Think about it.  When you have downtime in line at Target, do you reach for your phone?  What about when you’re sitting around having your morning coffee?  Or when you’re at the dinner table with your kids?  Is it sitting there?

This week - I challenge you to be aware of how often you reach for your phone unconsciously.  I’m actually about to go on vacation with my husband for the first time in years, and I’m challenging myself to do the same.  The only moment we truly have is the present, right?  I talk about this all the time.  Ask yourself - how often am I missing out on the present moment, often with a loved one, because I’m reaching for my phone?  Think about it.  I know I will be.