episode 86: so what actually is the point?

Listen to this episode here. Transcript below.

A few months ago, I went on an epic solo road trip - I drove across the country all the way from southern California to New England in 3.5 days, ran a 100 mile race after a day of rest, then spent another couple of weeks visiting with friends and family both there and later in the Midwest.  It was something, definitely a healing trip for the soul in a lot of ways.  While I was in Massachusetts, I met up with an old friend who had her first baby about a year and a half ago.  She lives in this rad old house in an area literally called “Podunk.”  We spent a couple of hours catching up, and of course, I had a blast playing with her little one.  The conversation I had with her in that short time has really stuck with me over the past several months, so much so, that I haven’t really gotten it out of my head.  In a good way.

We were sitting there, watching cheesy metal videos in her living room, hanging with the baby and the cats, and she said something about how having a kid has taught her the importance of “settling in.”  As in, settling into your current life, not trying to push for more, not imminently trying to change stuff, just staying in that present moment.  And man, I felt called out in a lot of ways.

I talk about this all the time on the podcast - setting goals, moving forward, all that good stuff.  How I’m a business owner, how I hustle.  How I push.  But this was revolutionary for me…this idea of just settling in and taking a breath.  I realized that - since my divorce from my first husband seven years ago - I’ve been in a constant hustle.  I’ve been relentlessly focused on business, building a client base, and flight training.  But also, I’ve been relentlessly focused on a self improvement journey.  As in, non-stop.

So, for example, I realized I gave up reading fiction for fun.  I only read non-fiction, and mainly self improvement or books focused on personal growth or spirituality.  No fluff, no funsies.  And I train for ultramarathons as my hobby, not exactly an easy thing…saying this after getting back from nearly 20 miles earlier this morning in fact.  When I run, what have I been doing?  Listening to business and self-improvement podcasts.  I achieved a big goal of becoming a flight instructor, pushed and pushed…but do I go out and fly for fun?  Not often.

A couple of weeks back, I had a transformative moment.  I was out on a run, listening to yet another one of these self improvement podcasts, and I just had enough for the day.  It was gorgeous out, here in southern California on the beach.  I stopped running.  I took a few pictures.  Then I turned on a great album on my phone, listened to that while I finished up my miles, and just enjoyed it.  No agenda, no plan…simply being in that moment.  I realized it had been forever since I had done something that simple for my own enjoyment.  And I realized, wow, this needs to change.  THAT is why I decided to do this episode today, I don’t think I’m alone in this.

Subconsciously, I think I pushed myself so hard over the past seven years to make myself bulletproof against repeating my past.  And I think a lot of us do this.  We don’t allow ourselves to enjoy ourselves in the moment because there’s always something to do.  And if you’ve been through some traumatic or earth shattering crap, you want to build yourself up to make sure that awful thing never will happen to you again.  What’s the cost?  Losing out on the beauty of the present moment.  Seriously, the present is the only thing we ever truly have control of - so why future trip so hard either for or against something that may never even come to pass?

My husband has said for years that the true definition of adulthood is learning to enjoy yourself between moments of endlessly solving problems.  Isn’t that the truth?  Yes, of course, as healthy functional adults, there are plenty of days where stuff just has to get done.  But it’s so easy to get caught up in that to do list - which by the way, is never going to get shorter, hate to tell you - that you forget what the actual point of living IS.  And for me, that’s experiencing life in its full spectrum, in its full beauty, and finding points of enjoyment in those moments.

So if you’re feeling stuck, like you can’t enjoy yourself, or like you’ve forgotten HOW, this episode is for you.  Here are some things to try.

One - every day, carve some bit of time out for yourself.   Let me tell you - no one’s going to do this for you.  No one’s going to enforce YOU taking a moment for yourself.  No one’s gonna schedule that.  So it’s up to you.  You don’t feel like you have time?  Well, no one’s gonna make the time, so you need to learn how.  And it doesn’t have to take long…it could be something as simple as my own ridiculous little ritual of lighting a scented candle while I get ready in the morning for work.  I always have my cup of coffee, and light my foofy candle while I put on my makeup every day, while I listen to my favorite music.  And I’m pretty low maintenance, so literally, this takes just a few minutes…but it’s enough to keep me grounded and feeling human even if I have a super busy day ahead.  What about you?  What’s something simple that you enjoy?  And how can you make sure you have that on a daily basis?

Two - it’s easy to get overwhelmed by lists and demands and kids and family and work, but hey, ask yourself daily, what can I be grateful for right now?  Seriously.  I’m including myself in this - we can all get so focused on the stuff we don’t have, and the pursuit of stuff that we want, and then forget about what we love that happens to be right in front of us.  Take a breath when you’re overwhelmed and look around.  For me, when I’m at home, and I’ve got shifts at both my jobs, and making this podcast on my to do list, and I’m feeling…like oh my god, how can I get all of this done…I take a moment and pet my cat.  For real.  My cat is freaking ancient, he’s a bag of bones at this point, but I love him more than anything, and I take those moment and express gratitude for the time I have with him in that one single moment.  I’m sure that you too have something in your life, in your immediate vicinity that you can be grateful for too.  Don’t lose sight of that.

Three - keep it all in perspective.  My late mom always used to talk about taking pictures in her mind, when it came to poignant moments.  No one can take those pictures - those memories - away from you.  I love that image still.  At end of the day, what’s really important?  What are you living for?  Those moments, right?  And if you’re struggling, maybe with school or work or balancing life, it’s easy to focus on that.  It’s easy to get lost.  But look at the bigger picture.  Remember those mental pictures in your head, and know that you get to create more of those…and that’s the point.  Not the endless hustle.

In closing, it’s ok to enjoy your life.  I give you permission.