episode 82: the universe doesn’t care about your plans

Listen to this episode here. Transcript below.

I had an incident this past week that really threw me off.  And given that I host a personal growth podcast, I like to be really honest with listeners.  So many of these self help gurus put off this whole “I think positive and I’m powerful all the time” personas, and I like to show y’all that that’s just an impossible way to be 24/7.  We’re all human, we all have our moments, and personal growth isn’t about making THOSE moments go away, it’s about learning how to bounce back from them quickly so they don’t take over our emotional bandwidth.

Anyhow, the past few years I’ve been in what I call “hustle mode” - I went through a radical career shift in my 30s, moving completely out of academia and into tattooing full time (I own a tattoo studio today).  On top of that, about 6 years ago I moved across the US and opened my studio in southern California, starting completely over, from scratch with no clients, no friends, no contacts and no connections.  Plus, I also decided in the middle of starting a new business to go back to school to get my flight instructor certificate.  Talk about hustle - trying to get clients to get tattooed, building the business, and going through flight training, all at once, for about 5.5 years straight!  It’s been intense, to say the least.  Lately, things have really gotten good - I wrapped up training and I’m working as a flight instructor at a local school right down the road from my business, at my shop things are busy and I book out well in advance, I’ve got a ton of great regular clients, and in general, things are getting stable.  Needless to say, flight training was a huge investment, so I’m climbing out of that pile of loans and debt at the moment, paying things off.

Yes, telling y’all this for a reason.  A few days ago, I got an unexpected bill in the mail - something I literally had just forgotten about, and the expense was…sizable.  Not unmanageable by any means but big enough to throw me for a loop.  I had this whole financial plan mapped out for this year to pay off the flight training debt and some loans that I had to take out during the pandemic shutdowns to keep my shop afloat.  So when I got this bill, I’ll admit it - I totally freaked.  I went back into an old headspace of…how can I afford this?  Everything’s wrong.  I’ll never financially be on my feet.  The universe is out to get me.

Then once I calmed down, which honestly didn’t take THAT long…I realized this.  One - the universe doesn’t really care about you.  It’s not out to get you OR to help you.  It just is what it is.  It’s there, it’s impartial. Things just are what they are.  And two - no matter what your plans are, something’s always going to happen to throw you off.  Always.  And why?  Life happens.  We need to stop taking that as a sign that something’s wrong with US, and focus instead on that it’s just a byproduct of being on this planet.

Seriously - can you think of a time when you had a plan to better your life?  Maybe you were trying to get in shape, maybe you were trying to save money or pay off debt like I’ve been, maybe you were in school trying to change careers, maybe you’ve been trying to retire or to help get your kids out on their own two feet.  And you planned and you planned, you had the road to this goal all mapped out…and then BOOM.  Life happened.  A family member passed away.  You got laid off, or maybe you got super sick.  And then, months passed, you went into kind of a treading water state of being because you had to deal with this imminent issues.  After that, the goal you had in mind?  It just started seeming impossible, because every single time you seemed to get close, something got in the way.  So you personalize it, say to yourself, it’s just not meant to be (at best) or something like “the universe hates me, I knew it” (at worst).

Sound familiar?  We’ve all done this to an extent.  I think this is a human universal - to take extenuating circumstances and then to imprint those with some over-personalized meaning.

I hate to tell you all this - but no one’s that important or special.  It’s normal to put ourselves at the center of our own universe, sure, simply because we’re trying to make sense of it.  But when we do that, anything that throws us off starts to be perceived as a giant sign that we can’t.  We’re unable.  Or we’re not worthy.  There’s much greater freedom in accepting hey, this isn’t all about me, stuff happens.  Why?  It equalizes things.  We realize we’re just human, we’re just one of billions of people that have walked this earth and have experienced the same damn things.  We’re normal.  And knowing we’re normal, that means no one’s really out to get us, so it takes that big excuse - and frankly, saying the universe is out to get me is JUST an excuse - out of the equation so we can move forward, realize that even if the circumstance is a big deal, we can contextualize that as not really THAT big of a deal in the scheme of all of humanity.  Things happen to all of us.  Trust me.

So, yes, if you have something you’re working toward, such as me paying off school debt, know that no matter how much you plan or how responsible you are, most likely something’s going to throw you off.  And that’s ok.  It’s normal.  Resign yourself to that now.  Here are some steps you can take to keep moving forward, even when it feels like you’re being forced to take a few steps back.

One - when things throw you off course, it’s not about getting thrown off, it’s about bouncing back quickly.  And what’s one of the best ways to get back on track?  It’s simply to develop regular healthy practices in your day to day life.  I’m not a fitness influencer, I’m not a doctor, I’m not a psychologist, but purely anecdotally from my own experience, I can say that good habits are relatively simple.  Eat well, most of the time.  Move your body regularly.  Prioritize sleep.  And, take care of your mental health through things like meditation, therapy, support groups and such.  That’s it.  We can look for these crazy life hacks, blah blah blah, or we can keep it simple in this way.  Then when things come up, things will get crazy for a bit, but we know that when the dust settles that we can simply fall back on these routine practices.  If you do anything in life, work to develop these very simple habits and exercise them DAILY.  I’m someone whose schedule gets insane from time to time, but the second things equalize?  I’m right back to a routine of morning meditation, whole foods, regular exercise, and being in bed by 9 pm at the latest every night.  And seriously, the more I’ve worked on that healthful routine, the quicker things bounce back.

Two - cultivate a safety net.  This can look like - in terms of my own financial challenge I just encountered - having savings accumulated to get me through tough times.  That’s one concrete example.  But what I think is likely the most important safety net in life?  That’s developing a real, quality social circle beyond just your immediate family.  That circle should consist of just maybe a couple people you know you can count on if things go down - if you need to talk, if you need help, anything.  It’s so easy to prioritize having kids and taking care of them, for example, and please keep in mind this advice is coming from someone who doesn’t have kids - but I can say, continuing to prioritize friendships to some kind of degree is invaluable.  It doesn’t have to involve getting together with people all the time.  Honestly, two of my closest friends, one I’ve known since I was 13 and the other since I was 16?  We maybe only talk a few times a year.  But I do try to put in the effort on occasion to let them know I’m thinking of them.  And when things have happened, those ladies have ALWAYS been there for me…and I’ll be there for them.  Having real friends…that can help us bounce back when things don’t go according to our best laid plans.

Three - realize whatever has happened - it’s likely not personal.  It’s just…life.  And it happens to the best of us.  One of the worst things we can do to ourselves in a low moment is to take on a victim mentality and wear that as a badge of honor.  I just…can’t…with that anymore, personally.  And minor rant, man, I’m sick of hearing the word “vulnerable” being thrown around so frequently in self help circles, as if it’s a badge of honor to make oneself weak or open to attack.  Talk about victim mentality right there!  Instead, circumstances are what they are.  Everyone goes through adversity to varying degrees, everyone has traumas they don’t talk about, everyone experiences setbacks, and frankly, looking at someone from the outside, we have ZERO clue what their mental state might be.  Stop thinking you’re the only one, or the whole world is out to get you.  It’s not.  It’s just…being the random, impartial universe that it always is…it’s not a measure of your self worth or some kind of sign telling you that you’ll never get past this.

Don’t lose hope.  If it feels like some goal is simply unattainable, keep going, keep slogging it out.  Fall back on good habits, find comfort in friends, and realize, no one’s trying to hold you back…except yourself.