episode 63: in case of emergency

Listen here to this episode. Transcript below.

Sometimes, despite our best laid plans, the unexpected happens.  We have everything in place.  We’ve been working on ourselves.  We’re eating the right food.  We’ve invested in a lucrative career.  We’re taking care of our family.  And then one day, out of the blue, something big just happens.  We thought we had it all under control, and then the rug gets swept out from under us, and we’re thrown at best for a loop.  At worst, well, we might lose it a bit.

Does this experience resonate with you?

Of course, we’ve all experienced the unforeseen emergencies in life.  Unexpected deaths in the family.  And unexpected health crisis.  A sudden job loss.  Things of that sort.  And while we think we can plan for anything - to have an escape plan or a safety plan in mind - we never really know how we’re going to react to an experience like this until it happens to us.  Frequently, in the news, when we hear about a tragedy or an act of violence, we think - well, I would have done this or that, instead of what that person did.  The fact is, though - you just don’t know how you’re going to react once your fight or flight or freeze - or even freakout - mechanism kicks in, in response to an emergency.  So it’s important to suspend judgment especially on others in these situations.

Recently, I’ve been working hard in flight school, finishing up my flight instructor certificate after about a year and half of steadily studying - I’m about ready to take my test here shortly.  And my recent studies have all been focused on emergency procedures as a pilot, and that’s kind of what inspired this episode today.  I had an interesting conversation during a ground school lesson with my mentor just a few days ago, in fact, about this precise topic.  We were discussing different aircraft system failures and what specifically constitutes an emergency situation in flight.  What *seems* like an emergency to one pilot might just be a nuisance to another, necessitating a pre-emptive landing.  But to the inexperienced pilot?  The “emergency that might not actually be an emergency” feels like one because it’s unfamiliar.  It’s scary.  It’s something that he or she has never experienced before and they just don’t know what to do, so they declare an emergency and land if possible.  My mentor was saying to me, it’s so important to not judge what someone less experienced might have done in response to one of these situations - say, a student pilot on one of their first solo flights - mainly because you just don’t know how adrenaline is going to make you react.  It’s such an individual response.  But as humans, we’re so attuned to pass judgement, and I think that’s because subconsciously we’re trying to make sense of an emergency situation.  If we perceive that we can do better than someone else in the same situation, well, that gives us the illusion we can control the situation.  Which, hate to say it - it’s never the case.

So what do we do when the unforeseen or the tragic happens to us?  In flight training, things are pretty simple.  We train to anticipate a plethora of situations, and we have strict protocols and checklists in place that we practice over and over again until they become simply automatic behaviors.  Think about that Southwest Airlines flight a few years ago where engine parts flew through a window and depressurized the cabin - can’t remember all the details, but people died and the pilot made an emergency descent and landing.  People praised the pilot for her quick thinking - the pilot was a woman - but what the general public doesn’t know is how pilots are trained to react immediately in this way, and to go directly to the checklist and procedure for what’s happened.  And they’ve done this so many times over and over again in their own training that it’s become simply an automatic behavior.

I think there’s a great metaphor here for life in general.  It’s not to say we can practice for any situation, but if we can separate ourselves emotionally FROM it, we can move on to a more logical reaction to an unforeseen event - such as a pilot who reaches for their checklist.

What have you done in response to emergency situations?  How have you felt?  You actually learn a lot about yourself and your inner landscape simply by HOW you react in these situations.  Are you someone who flies about, immediately trouble shooting?  Are you someone who cries?  Who loses it?  Or are you someone who just dissociates and freezes?  I’m not judging any of these responses - there’s a part of me in all of them, and I’ve done a ton of inner work to understand why I’ve resorted to one or the other in my own life.  But all of these are perfectly normal, human responses to perceived threats or emergencies.

So when faced with the unexpected, what are some things that we can do to mitigate our inner landscape?  Let’s go into some of these strategies for the remainder of this episode.

One, when something unexpected happens, evaluate first whether or not this even constitutes an emergency on your part.  My real life example for this one?  Getting my business shut down during the COVID year of 2020.  I had opened my tattoo studio in 2017, was finally in a good groove with everything, done with that start up phase, working on tons of regular clients and finally making decent money. And then boom, one day with one signature from our governor, my job was ground to a complete halt.  Now look, I had some savings, but there was basically no help at all - not for a small sole proprietorship type of business like mine.  And that - for someone who had sunk her last dollar into her business - was terrifying.  But was it an emergency?  No.  Objectively speaking, it wasn’t at that point.  BUT - it’s important to say that it FELT like it was.  I perceived it to be.  Here’s the thing, I had a rough start financially as a young adult and was in a situation many times having to decide between paying rent and buying groceries.  And even though my contemporary self had savings and a husband who was still working, I got thrown back in time to that young adult self and basically had the same reaction - like I was going to suddenly be homeless because I couldn’t pay my bills.  As time went on, I was able to process these feelings, and realize - OK, this sucks, but it’s NOT an emergency.  And that helped my own stress level and fight/flight response calm down.  When the unforeseen happens to you, the first step should always be - take a step back.  Take a moment.  Have the feeling, allow the feeling to come, express it however you need - maybe in writing, maybe in conversation with a close friend or loved one.  But then detach from that feeling and do like I did - take the step back to see if this even necessitates an emergency or imminent doom.  If it really is an emergency, then immediately act.  But if not, it may simply FEEL like one.  And in that case, it’s important to understand that your feelings - such as feelings of fear or anxiety or panic - aren’t necessarily reality.

Two - be a responsible adult.  Plan.  Now, while you can’t control the unforeseen, you can be as responsible as possible JUST IN CASE.  Things like - have a savings account.  Have insurance policies.  Have life insurance.  Have an emergency food box - we do here in case of an earthquake, which happens in southern California.  Have an escape plan.  Have a list of all of your passwords for all of your accounts and make sure someone trusted has access to that information.  I remember a few years ago my husband and I had a day where we literally did death planning - I know, sounds grim, and I baked a pie just for the occasion - which I called “death pie”.  But man, I’m glad we did that…because I know where things are, what to do in case something -god forbid - happens to him at work, or in case we have a big wildfire and have to be evacuated.  Take the time to logically think out these things when you don’t need to.  No one, believe me, wants to do “death planning,” but I tell you what, this should just be part of general adulting skills if you ask me.  It’s part of being a responsible human to not expect others to clean up after you following an unforeseen disaster.

Three - have a trusted inner circle.  Have hard conversations with close friends and loved ones.  Ask, hey, if something happens, can you have my back?  I know my best friend and I have several agreements this way, and while we’ve had ups and downs in our friendship over the 20 plus years we’ve been in each other’s lives, I absolutely KNOW for certain that if something goes down, I can call her and vice versa.  Make yourself a list of your own “circle of trust” and when something does happen, cling to that, such as a pilot will refer to their trusted checklist.

Four - take it one step at a time and be gentle with yourself.  When it comes to the unexpected, man, we all want to get back on our feet right away.  But it always takes time and there’s a slow process to that.  Speaking as someone who went through a traumatic divorce, it personally took me years to process my emotions and to financially recover from it.  I wanted everything done THEN, you know?  But you can’t rush those things.  It’s also easy to judge yourself for initially freaking out, or not having the reaction you perceive you “should” have had.  But ask yourself - has this happened to me before?  If not, well, hey, you reacted exactly as you had to in that circumstance.  Let it go.  Move forward.

Always remember, even if you’re a type A personality like me that lives by spreadsheets, there’s absolutely no way you can plan for every single possible disaster. But, you can always do responsible groundwork on yourself.  And knowing you have a safety plan and an inner circle that has your back, that will help you get through any rough time!